I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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