I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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