I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
