sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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