Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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