Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize