I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
