I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
