I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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