A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
