She said her name was "party"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
