So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
