UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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