it hurts more in the daytime
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
