I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize