You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
