8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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