and she was petting her beer can
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
