shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
