Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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