i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
