He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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