I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
