Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
