it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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