Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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