I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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