The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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