OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He better not be in your backpack
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
