I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
