Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
