The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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