I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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