I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
