My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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