i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
