at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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