What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
