I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
