I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
