Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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