I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
