I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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