They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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