Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
