Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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