i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
