apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
