i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
