best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
