He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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