new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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