Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
