listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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