It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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