I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
