I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
