there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
