end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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