so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
