First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
