It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
