You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
