Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
