idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
