I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
