mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
