The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
