i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
