Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
