So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
