After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
