fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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