Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
