after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
