I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
should my penis look like a turkey
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
