At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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