I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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