I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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